Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
