nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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