JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
