if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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