they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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