I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my sisters under your porch take her home
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
