You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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