did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
