the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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