so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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