Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
