oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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