you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
