Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
