I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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