Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
