i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
