I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
