I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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