I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
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I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
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Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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