I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
