he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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