I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We had sex on a dog bed..
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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