Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
