Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
