Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
