Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I am full of burrito and curiosity
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Randomize
