who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize