I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
