somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
did i just pee glitter
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
