nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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