Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
