Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
