Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
