listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So vagazzling was a success
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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