the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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