the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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