Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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