trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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