Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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