Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
