Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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