Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
