So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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