I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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