I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
