can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
