my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
