I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
