when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
