I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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