a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
