I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i dont even know how to be here
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
