he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
