I could make wine with my vomit
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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