According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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