I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
