Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Randomize
