i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
