I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
