Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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