I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
