We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I want a musical about memes.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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