I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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